Thursday, 31 July 2014

Can We Control Our Memories?

Have you ever felt like just writing? Because I feel like that right now, and quite frankly I feel like that majority of the time. Maybe it’s because I don’t know how to verbalise my thoughts; I mean don’t get me wrong I am not a shy person, I just suck at expressing my feelings verbally, even though I am strangely an exceptional listener it just doesn’t float vice versa. So here I am right now in my pyjamas, burning up in this 30degrees, and swivelling the chair from side to side whilst sitting by the desk at 4am. It’s summer holiday, hence the explanation of sleep deprivation, where has my sleep ran off to? Sleep is like a man, good at disappearing. Oh that was a harsh one. I’m not a feminist, lol no no, I don’t need feminism to liberate me when I am already euphoric with liberation.

Do you sometimes get random flashbacks of sweet memories? Just now my eldest sister and her 2 adorable daughters left the house on their way to the airport, vacation begins as of now. I took it upon myself to wake her up. She got up immediately and was kind of in a rush before the taxi man arrives. I woke up the world’s sweetest 3 year old, by lifting her up as she wrapped her legs and arms squeezing me, and I sat down cherishing her baby smell. She woke up happy at the realisation that it is time to go to the airport! She got dressed in virtually no time, and was jumping around making me laugh, telling me ridiculously made up babble. I just sat in awe with a plastered smile, and appreciated this cute little gremlin. Then it was time to wake up the world’s smartest and most ingenious 5 year old, oh and did I mention her mother is a soon-to-be-lawyer, thus making her as the oldest child naturally more observant with a fine eye. She is confident, smart, brave, and comical. Not the type to cry without purpose; amazing right. Normal kids will jump at the thought of going on a holiday. But not this little princess, she cried and nagged and was so fed up with me waking her up. I had to walk through an oceans tide to get her dressed and put a smile on her face. Once dressed she walked over to her mummy’s bed and threw herself back to sleep. I felt like I was seeing a grown up.
They left before I knew it. Every day they grow, and they will be gone for so long, I will truly miss them.


Can you control your flashbacks? Because whenever I think of a certain moment the same memories seem to replay in my head. I begin to wonder, perhaps the same very moment something happens is the same very moment that you have to regard it in your brain as something worth cherishing and storing as a memory. Thus you remember that next time, since you constructed its value. So in its essence are we controlling what we want to remember?

Saturday, 26 July 2014

Ramadan 2014 Reflections

Wallahi i need to improve myself. And we all do.
There are many things that i have come to realise in this wonderful month of Self Reflection. (Ramadan 2014)

You cannot be 'practising' if you are not practising the deen.

-And, practising the deen consists of many voluntary ibaada (worship) that brings you closer to Allah SubhanaWa'ta'Ala.

-In this wonderful Ramadan i have realised that i am not taking that much action against time itself to benefit from it 'Time' truly. It's like i am sitting and waiting for opportunity, but i am not actively running around seeking success.
Okay, you might be slightly confused, but what i mean is that, as i came to the mosque i was so delighted to see regular faces and all those sisters who i usually see every Ramadan. At the beginning you do a quick catch up, like hey, what have you been up to this year etc etc... and just then your mind goes POP! as they list ALL the enriching acomplishments they have surpassed. Some people tell you they learnt Arabic this year, some say they have learnt the Tafsir of the Quran, some say they got married or had children, some shock you and say things like i went to study in Madina/Makkah/Egypt etc etc..
All the while i am just here like. WOWWWWWWWWWWWWW (Maa Shaa Allah)... Have i really entered the mosque from one Ramadan to the next just the same as i was since i last left.
SubhanAllah.

Like i said:
Time.

It is so precious. And my value for it has magnified greatly this eye opening month. One evening i sat by my prayer mat after i finished praying. And the clock was ticking on the wall ahead of me, tick, tock, tick, tock, not stopping, not waiting, just moving, constantly ticking. Minutes passed by my very eyes, whilst i was just fascinated, and astonished by the terrifying beauty in time.

And all the while, this past year i haven't really made a 'wowing' change since the last Ramadan.

Here's a metaphor to help you understand;

**Let's say the road to being a true Muslim is full of long flights of stairs, and pathways.**
So, Am i really 'practising'? If i am not walking up the stairs any longer, what if i have just stopped walking up the stairs and this past year i have been sitting on the same step breathless. You know what i noticed? As soon as you start practising you walk up the stairs fast, then you start jogging, and then sprinting up the stairs, until you get to the tricky parts, you see hurdles and you hop over them, sometimes they knock you down, and you get back up running faster. But this year, it is as though i stopped at one step, and rested, and fell asleep, because this Ramadan i just woke up. I woke up realising how much is ahead of me, and it is time. For me to start again, the jogging and sprinting, for me to climb up again.
Thank you, Ya Allah, for opening my eyes to seeing this, because a lot of people fall asleep on this one step and don't wake up until the Angel of death comes to them. And i seek refuge in Allah from that.


-So i must get up, become more active in seeking opportunities whilst i am young. And look for Islamic classes to learn the Deen, Arabic and Quran. To implement sincerely and firmly what i already know. E.g. night prayers, reciting even more regularly, and being active in giving more charity.
To act upon basic Islamic manners such as respect, being more polite and friendly, listening, advising and understanding people, being shy, and being truthful.
To enhance my humility and humbleness to my Creator who is All-Seeing, All aware.
And to never, ever, delay or procastinate away from a deed; because if you lose the grip, it spills wild. So i need to race and compete in attaining good deeds.
And ultimately realise that all my actions are for The One and Only Ever living, Eternal one, the Most-Majestic, Most-Merciful Lord.




Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Thursday, 10 July 2014

My dear Palestinians

My eyes haven't rested well, 
It is involuntary,
A biological force inside me, 
Only making me human,
Forcing reflexes of rivers out of me,
I can't stop. 

I can't stop what's happening to Palestine, I can't stop the pain I feel inside, what they feel, I am with them, I am of them, I feel what they feel. 

If your mother died how would you feel? You are from your mother right; the agonising hurt dragging you down-is what I feel for all those mothers, because they could very well have been my mother, or brother or child or relative. But they are human, and I am human, so I feel. 
That's why my eyes haven't rested. 


I can not stop crying. 
I will not stop crying to Allah. 
I have hope. 




Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Q&A from Tumblr; ask me questions and i will reply http://jilbabydiaries.tumblr.com/


Hey sister, i just saw you'r blog, its really nice mashallah. You are actually really good in writting, i want to ask you, i have a question pls give me your advise. I want to get marry, but my parents think i am too young! I am 20, i dont think its too young, but i dont have brothers, and i dont talk to guys, and my father doesnt want me to get marry yet. I feel like running away, but this month of ramadan im learning patients, any advise? I seen you write post about love.


Thank you!! I love giving advice lol, okay, basically do not run away, thats not the answer. This is the blessed month of Ramadan, a month in which your Dua is more likely to be accepted, you need to really turn to Allah and cry in dua to him, if you want to get married ask Allah to make your parents understand you, ask Allah to bring you a righteous beautiful husband whom you and your parents will love. Have trust (Tawakkal) and faith in Allah that you will get married, but you have to sincerely stay patient, and keep asking Allah. My step sister told me about a her friend who wanted to get married to a guy who had green eyes and brown hair (very picky right?) Her family laughed at her, and they brought her someone not according to her full description and detail, and she had a meeting with him and refused him. Her family told her off and said she may not get another potential husband, and she said firmly, NO i put my trust in Allah that he will give me a righteous man with green eyes and brown hair, so she would stay awake every night praying night prayers, begging Allah for her specific husband. Before she knew it a man came to ask for her hand in marriage and he had green eyes but not brown hair and he wasn’t practising so well, so she rejected him, once again her family mocked her, and she had trust Allah would answer her dua, she remained patient, and then again another man came with green eyes and brown hair but he wasn’t practising, and she rejected him. She never lost hope and made sincere dua every night, and finally the man of her dream came, her family were shocked, and she was happy. So my advice is for you to pray to Allah in the night, do as much good deeds as you can, and sincerely remain patient, who knows Allah may bring you someone your parents will love and accept! So don’t run away sweety, love will come for you In Shaa Allah, you just have to wait and stay patient. xxxx hope this helped!






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