Can We Control Our Memories?

Have you ever felt like just writing? Because I feel like that right now, and quite frankly I feel like that majority of the time. Maybe it’s because I don’t know how to verbalise my thoughts; I mean don’t get me wrong I am not a shy person, I just suck at expressing my feelings verbally, even though I am strangely an exceptional listener it just doesn’t float vice versa. So here I am right now in my pyjamas, burning up in this 30degrees, and swivelling the chair from side to side whilst sitting by the desk at 4am. It’s summer holiday, hence the explanation of sleep deprivation, where has my sleep ran off to? Sleep is like a man, good at disappearing. Oh that was a harsh one. I’m not a feminist, lol no no, I don’t need feminism to liberate me when I am already euphoric with liberation.

Do you sometimes get random flashbacks of sweet memories? Just now my eldest sister and her 2 adorable daughters left the house on their way to the airport, vacation begins as of now. I took it upon myself to wake her up. She got up immediately and was kind of in a rush before the taxi man arrives. I woke up the world’s sweetest 3 year old, by lifting her up as she wrapped her legs and arms squeezing me, and I sat down cherishing her baby smell. She woke up happy at the realisation that it is time to go to the airport! She got dressed in virtually no time, and was jumping around making me laugh, telling me ridiculously made up babble. I just sat in awe with a plastered smile, and appreciated this cute little gremlin. Then it was time to wake up the world’s smartest and most ingenious 5 year old, oh and did I mention her mother is a soon-to-be-lawyer, thus making her as the oldest child naturally more observant with a fine eye. She is confident, smart, brave, and comical. Not the type to cry without purpose; amazing right. Normal kids will jump at the thought of going on a holiday. But not this little princess, she cried and nagged and was so fed up with me waking her up. I had to walk through an oceans tide to get her dressed and put a smile on her face. Once dressed she walked over to her mummy’s bed and threw herself back to sleep. I felt like I was seeing a grown up.
They left before I knew it. Every day they grow, and they will be gone for so long, I will truly miss them.


Can you control your flashbacks? Because whenever I think of a certain moment the same memories seem to replay in my head. I begin to wonder, perhaps the same very moment something happens is the same very moment that you have to regard it in your brain as something worth cherishing and storing as a memory. Thus you remember that next time, since you constructed its value. So in its essence are we controlling what we want to remember?